So, well, here I am!! This is my first ever blog post. I wonder if I’ll look back on this in a few years and smile indulgently at how naive-newbie I sound? I kinda hope so – that might mean I’m still DOING this in a few years’ time.
I’m pretty excited about the whole thing, (so excited I’ve started writing just half an hour into what should be my ‘normal job’ working day) but I’m also scared as hell. Who am I to start writing a blog? Who the hell is going to want to READ my shit? DISCLIAMER: Dear readers; I’ll swear. Not profusely but I’m not afraid of a few well-placed curse words for emphasis where I deem fit. Disclosure complete. No, wait, not quite complete. I write like I speak, therefore at times I may ramble somewhat and I probably won’t always stick to traditional structurally correct sentences and grammar either. I hope you’ll hang in there with me regardless.
So what is this all about anyway? Right in this moment I guess it’s about my journey to becoming who I really am. Whoa, that sentence hit me with an emotional wave! All prickly-near-tears-eyes and short of breath for a moment. If that sounds a bit new-agey to you I don’t really mind. It’s the best fit for what I feel right now. I heard a fabulous quote in a webinar this morning;
If you don’t click with me, you won’t click on me.
Love that. (www.thesundancefamily.com, credit where credit’s due).
In all honesty this is about getting what I want.
You knew there was an ulterior motive didn’t you?!
When I say it’s about getting what I want it’s also about engaging with you. What I want is personal fulfilment. I think we’re all familiar with that on some level. We want to know that who we are and what we do is worthy. We want to feel like we have a purpose and that that purpose is valued and appreciated. Are ya getting me?
You’ll possibly be wondering how on earth attempting to get your attention and engagement will result in my personal fulfilment. Is it an ego trip? If you’ve ever seen the comments thread in almost ANY online forum you’ll know that’s not it. I’m likely to get ripped to shreds by any number of naysayers. That’s their prerogative, they’re entitled to their own opinion.
Sidetrack: Why people feel the need to vociferously attack something they don’t agree with rather than simply thinking “well that’s not for me” is fascinating to me. So you don’t agree with it – well great! That’s actually awesome. That shows you your path and clearly whatever you just engaged with isn’t it! So go your own path and leave those who do connect with it to do so. I freely admit I sometimes feel that surge of indignant righteousness that makes me want to add my negative 2 cents too. But what good will that do me other than cement that negativity into my thoughts and my day? I’m a firm believer in the Law of Attraction; what I focus on I attract to myself. So why do I sometimes have that urge to vent? Our brains are wired this way – to keep us ‘safe’ in situations we feel threatened in. Our mind (I call mine Neil) analyses something and decides it goes against our personal beliefs and values so it goes into defensive mode ie: – “get this idea away from me, it threatens what I believe!” We lash out in a fight response. Mindfulness helps us deal with that but that’s a whole series of posts for another time. (And I was worried I wouldn’t have anything to say!?)
Ummm, where was I?? How is writing a blog going to get me what I want? This is me in my infancy, I’m taking my first wobbly steps towards a lifestyle of my choosing. If I get this right I hope to build both my own tribe and a viable business. A community of people who connect with me, who get what I’m working to achieve and who want the same things I do, a healthy body, a healthy mind, peace, contentment, happiness and fulfilment (damned prickly-tear-eyes!). Ultimately, I want to help people achieve the same thing. If I do get it right and eventually build a business out of this too, (and I reckon I’ve got a good shot with what I’ve already learned and the support networks I’m developing, shout out to Andrea and all the BloodyGoodLife legends!) then maybe I can even help people create their own business that not only gives them financial freedom but also time and emotional freedom.
These feel like rather lofty goals and this is the very first time I’ve put them down on paper, so to speak. I mentioned in the beginning of this post that I’m scared. To put it in a slightly more accurate context, I’m goddammed-freaking-out-and-Neil-is-curled-in-the-foetal-position-petrified. I’ve put it out there now. You’ve all read it. Neil (my mind) is in a state of numbed shock, rocking in the corner and repeatedly asking mumbled questions almost like a mantra; What if I fail?? What if I don’t have it in me to really do this? Do I really know enough to give other people advice? What makes me think I have a voice that should be listened to? What if I’m just wrong?
I don’t know the answers to those questions or the many others that are bouncing around in my head. I don’t need to. What I’m doing is putting my heart and love of what I’m learning out there. It’s what I feel passionate to do so it can’t be wrong. If it leads me in a different direction than what I expected – so be it. In reality I haven’t failed, it’s already done its job with this one simple first post. It’s made me happier and bolstered by belief in myself whether or not it even gets read. If I’ve managed to inspire just one other person in some small way then hell, I’m winning.
I’m going to steal a sign off from one of my most inspirational and beautiful friends
Love and burpees everyone!